So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
