My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
