Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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