So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
