apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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