you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
