I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
