Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
