I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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