Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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