It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
