i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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