dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
