we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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