umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
