pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
