Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
