Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
