If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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