I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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