I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize