our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
