from now on my penis is your penis
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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