Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
