Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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