I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
