it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
