I just made out with a guy for $7.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
