Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
