Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
