I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
