can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
