You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
