yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
