I wanna bring you to show and tell
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
