her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
