is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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