just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
