Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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