If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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