***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
