My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
