do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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