mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
