Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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