Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
