do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize