I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
