I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
two words: eviction party
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
