That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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