O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
