her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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