Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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