well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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