I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
