I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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