If i come over, it means nothing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We talked him into tasing himself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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