I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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