so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
