Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
