Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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