I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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