It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
