Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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