:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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