I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
