I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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