I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
