Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
