see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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