week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
