Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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