Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
