I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
