there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I party with great urgency now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize