Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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