Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
