I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
