then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
